Family Time

Ethan is sick. Even though it's not an ideal time for our family, it's times like these that make us what we are. If nothing more than Trevor and I working as a team. We become a medical team.

Trevor is definitely more calm when Ethan is sick than I am. My past blog about him being my calm is almost an understatement. I tend to get a little freaked out by fevers. Ethan's fever has given him a head-to-toe rash. No fun at all!

I was stunned to hear that it is common for fevers to create rashes and that once the fever breaks the rash should be gone...we'll see!

Although it's not the way that I wanted to spend "family time" today, Trevor and I have done really well at working as team. And if nothing else...Ethan becomes much more cuddly when he's not feeling well, which makes my heart a little happier!

Things I Take For Granted

They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but what about if you just never see the person...does that count as distance? If so, then I have the love of a lifetime.

Trevor has been working so much lately. Baseball, Matheson, Repeat!! I have been very silent in my suffering, mostly because Trevor works so hard to provide for Ethan and I that I don't want to make things any harder than they are already. But after seeing how absolutely exhausted he was last night made me realize that I need to make every moment he has at home as special as possible. I know that he isn't living in another country or even city, but the distance between us feels just as great.

By the way, Ethan started at Pip Squeaks last week and LOVES it...I will write more on his first week of school later!

I am so happy that I finally figured out that I'm not depressed or angry or even lonely...since baseball started and Trevor's schedule changed this has been a big learning experience for me. I mean it's not like we're miles apart, but when in life do you get a break from each other without it being considered a break-up or separation?! Trevor's work schedule is only because he wants to provide for the family he loves, and I love, love, love that about him!

Let me just clarify one thing, he worked for the Ace's last summer and my world didn't fall apart then. But this year is different because he isn't working mornings at 24 Hour Fitness anymore, he works graveyard for Matheson Flight Extenders. He is such a hands-on dad and I wasn't sure how we were going to adjust to having opposite schedules. I remember being really depressed about the whole situation and just thinking to myself, "we'll never see you." It's funny because one day I just realized that I have always been self-sufficient and independent and not having him around to help with the bedtime routine wasn't going to be the end of the world...Ethan and I would survive! It's the sleeping alone thing that has been a hard pill to swallow. When it comes to love, I'm so vulnerable and dependent. I think Trev knows this but would never call me out on it!

So, I have decided I am going to combat these lonely night blues by diving into my home re-decorating and making myself some new clothes! Plus, not to mention that I have standing Thursday night date with Sara, Tracen and Logan. I cannot thank Sara enough for putting up with Ethan and I, those nights have been so fun and just the thing I have needed for SO long! I also intend to keep this blog as up-to-date as possible...even if it's just a picture!

As far as the re-decorating goes...I will keep try to post the transformation as it happens. I also intend to continue writing the book I started about a month ago, begin working out (I have about 10 pounds to lose before Tara's wedding in July), and have more time to myself to relax and read. Sara and I decided last night we're going to read "The Tenth Circle" by Jodi Picoult, I'm really excited about it! Although I miss Trevor terribly at night, I think the opposite schedules may be very positive. I think I realized last night that although I'm alone most nights, I am constructively alone and I'm becoming a better person, partner and mother because of it!

Now back to making the time we DO have together special. I just need to take 5 minutes each day and devote myself to planning a little family time and a little couple's time for the brief minutes we are all home at the same time. If that means Ethan and I color a picture for Daddy or write him a love note and give it to him in passing then so be it. I think we've realized that as a couple we are very fortunate to have these hiccups and be able to get through them as a unit! I think sometimes we took for granted all the little things that we don't get to experience as often.

Imagine if suddenly your partner was gone. No dinners together, no chance to enjoy the early mornings together, no kiss good night, no kiss good morning to start your day...I know this sounds really silly but these are things that I miss and I took for granted. Now Trevor and I are not separated by distance so I truly admire and look up to those people who have to experience this at a greater extent (Sara you're amazing!)

Human nature can be a greedy, ungrateful thing! I am so excited for our date tonight, and I have to say I'm look forward to the little things that we do when we watch movies. It's not that I ever stopped enjoying it or appreciating it, it's that it became a habit to NOT do them anymore. I have butterflies and am so so so excited to just reconnect with the love of my life!

It's funny how life is constantly handing out trials and tribulations, but in that happening we need to realize appreciate all the things we usually take for grated. I have every intention of embracing every moment whether good or bad and LEARNING from them.

Home Is My Haven

I am sitting here at work wishing I were at home! I love having a job, it makes me feel independent but at the same time when I'm here I miss Ethan and Trevor. I look forward to every minute I get to spend with them, even though most of the time I'm greatful when the morning commute is over and I can just sit at my desk. Weird how that works!

My home is where love lives. It's the place where I can wear sweat pants and a pony tail, not put any make up on and everyone there still thinks I'm cute. It's where I can sneak in to Ethan's room late at night and scoop him and just hold him.

My home is the place where I can sing into my hairbrush and dance as crazy and silly as I want. It's the place where Trevor and I get to just sit and connect with each other over and over. The smallest things happen there, but that is how love grows.

Home is my haven. It is where I get to become a master chef, a seamstress and an interior designer. I have created the home I have always dreamed of. Not because it's the biggest or cleanest or picture-perfect, but because I have the most amazing man and the most precious son. I love having a life outside the home, but my life inside of it is what defines me!

Mother's Day

"The Day I became a mother, my life changed. It is through that journey that I began to discover myself." - - BROOKE BURKE

I love that there is a national holiday to celebrate who else but MOMS! I think the best part of the whole day is to celebrate all we do...because everyone knows we are not appreciated the other 364 days in the year. Just Kidding!

I know this is about 4 days late, but I just have to say after celebrating my second Mother's Day this is one of my favorite days of the year. Being a mother is one of the most rewarding things I know. I know the commitment, the unconditional love we give and the million and half other things we do may go unrecognized, but our children are better for it! I hope when the efforts I make are recognized that I am humble and gracious towards my family, I love them SOOO much!

What a perfect time to say "thank you" to all of the moms out there who have helped and guided me. I have honestly learned more from other moms than any of those "How To" books. Whatever I'm going through it is comforting to know that one of you is either going through the same thing or has already been there. I have used so much of your advice, and I'm happy to say that it has worked!

Most importantly I need to thank my own mom. I have learned so much from her, the most important of which is unconditional love. She is my support and the one I count on in so many ways! When I had Ethan, I hoped to have the same kind of loving relationship with him. Children learn so much by example. I am so lucky to have been raised by such an amazing woman, who gave me the foundation to discovery my mothering instincts. We all know I didn't think I had them!!

I am so lucky to have a beautiful, healthy child. Being a mom is my greatest accomplishment ever! I hope everyone enjoyed their Mother's Day because you deserved it!!